Honey, We Shrunk the Klingons
by TrekkieTrekkieTrekkiegirl
Summary: When the Enterprise is sent to observe strange space anomalies they get a surprise. Then Klingons get involved. Of course, Kirk has a plan. Please please read and review.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

"Captain's Log, Stardate 4322.9

Currently studying several anomalies in the sector we have been patrolling. We have been warned about an abundance of intense graviton waves in the area. Extreme gravimetric pressures are dangerous so we have been advised to flee the area if necessary.

Captain Kirk finished his log. He looked around at his trusted bridge crew. The entire bridge crew. On and off, various officers had been absent for various reasons recently. The starship is designed to fly even with as few as a single crew member on the bridge, but it ran smoother with everyone pitching in. Now, for instance.

"Coming up on some extreme turbulence, Captain."

"Evasive maneuvers, Mr Sulu." replied Kirk.

"I don't think we can, sir. We'll have to ride it out."

"Well," Kirk said reluctantly, "fasten your seat belts."

"Captain," Spock interjected, "we do not have seat belts."

"But we should have seat belts!" the ship doctor had appeared out of the turbolift, as he always did. "What in God's name are you doing up here? Sickbay was shaking so hard that-" the Doctor never finished his sentence, because a huge tremor interrupted him. Captain Kirk began to call around the ship, making sure nothing was broken.

"Scotty? Are the engines okay?"

"Aye, sir." Replied the engineer. "Why wouldn't they be- ARGH!" A loud rumbling was heard across the comm link. "Captain, are ye alright?"

Then with a final violent shake the sound blurred out and all the lights went off.

Kirk opened is eyes and blinked the haziness from his vision. He stood up. Something didn't feel right. He saw his captains chair, his bridge, but it was somehow... different. It seemed bigger.

"Captain."

Kirk looked to where he heard the familiar yet unfamiliar voice near the Science console. He practically yelped when he found its owner. Before him sat a Vulcan, with an overdoses Starfleet uniform hanging loosely on his thin shoulders. He couldn't have been older than seven.

"Sp- Spock?"

"Indeed, Captain, and you have been transformed into a child as well."

The two boys looked around.

Five small, unconscious forms littered the floor of the bridge. Kirk and Spock singled out the doctor.

"Dr. McCoy." The Vulcan prodded him gently.

"Oohhh-whu- Jim?! Spock?! What- ?"

"Somehow," the Captain responded to Dr. McCoy's babbling, "we have been turned into children."

"Yes, I... noticed." stammered the Doctor. "Well what are we gonna do about it?"

"We should go to the nearest Starbase." Spock suggested. "There we might find a means to revert back into our normal selves."

"That sounds like a plan." Captain Kirk agreed. With this new plan in mind, the children made preparations to rouse the rest of the crew.


	2. Chapter 2

Even in this newly acquired form, Spock's reflexes were still sharp. His center of gravity shifted as if by instinct when the Enterprise veered out of control. Unfortunately, Spock had failed to calculate in the fact that his feet no longer touched the ground, and he was soon airborne along with the rest of the bridge crew. He quickly got up, dusted himself off, and helped the younger children to their feet.

"What happened?" Captain Kirk asked to the bridge in general.

"Heh heh, sorry, sir." Sulu replied sheepishly. "I sort of hit a button with my elbow..."

"We may be children, but we're still officers." snapped Kirk. "If you can't remember that, I suggest you go to your quarters."

The recent developments appeared to be troubling the Captain. He was a good captain. His crew thought so. He just could not command a ship full of children, especially when he was one himself. The Enterprise was on its way to Starbase 6, but the journey was not turning out to be an easy one. The current situation presented more than a few challenges. It would have been much easier if they had turned into adolescents. Being so small was proving to be difficult.

Spock's thoughts were interrupted when Dr. McCoy came in.

"Of all the immature, evil-minded..." McCoy was pulling Chekov behind him by the ear.

"What happened, Doc?" Sulu asked, concerned.

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever thought it would be funny to give Chekov sugar!" McCoy griped. Behind him the young navigator was vibrating uncontrollably, bouncing up and down. He seemed as if he would detonate should the doctor release his firm hold. "You take him, Sulu. He's your friend."

"What am I s'posed to do with him?" Asked the Lieutenant.

"How should I know?" the Doctor gave his trademark response, "I'm a doctor, not a babysitter, for God sakes."

"Give him to Spock."

At this point the Science officer was paying full attention to the unfolding events. Had he been a human, observing Ensign Chekov, he might have been worried.

"Why?"

"Worried, Spock?" teased Kirk "Surely Chekov won't get under that thick Vulcan hide of yours?"

Spock thought about this for a moment. "Your logic is sound. I will keep an eye on Mr. Chekov."

"Good!"

In truth, watching Chekov was the last thing Spock wanted right now. Of course, if he refused to he would have Dr. McCoy to deal with, and he was surely the best choice, as he would be the most tolerant to the irritation.

"Captain!" Sulu suddenly cried. "A Klingon vessel decloaking off the starboard bow!"

"Shields up." the captain ordered calmly.

"Shall I hail them, Captain?" asked Lt. Uhura from the back of the bridge. "Never mind, their hailing us now."

"Well," said Kirk, "put it on the screen."

The image faded onto the main viewer.

"Kirk?"

"Koloth?"

Two children gaped at each other across the comm link. As amusing as it was to see the seven year old Klingon commander, it wasn't completely unexpected. If the graviton waves were the cause of this strange metamorphosis, and the Klingons had experienced turbulence as well, then of course they would also be children.

"I see you're in the same boat as we are. Why are you in Federation space?" Kirk asked, his usual nondescript countenance on the young child's face.

"We are not in Federation space!" The Klingon captain rebuttled. "You are on the edge of the Klingon Neutral Zone!"

"What?!" Kirk looked towards the navigation console. It was empty. "Where's- ?" Then the realization dawned on him. Chekov was sitting on the floor next to Mr. Spock's console,where he had been for a while now. No one had been navigating the ship!

Spock hopped down from his chair and headed over to the vacant console. "We are, in fact, in the Neutral Zone, and not far from Klingon territory."

"I'll report you, Kirk." said Koloth. "We'll see what your government has to say then."

"No," Kirk said matter-of-factly.

"No?"

"I'll retreat."

"But you were already here," the Klingon whined in an ironically childish tone. "I can still report you!"

"Then we'll have it out." Captain Kirk suggested nonchalantly. "Off the record. Just for-" the boy paused dramatically, "for _honor._"

Koloth turned to speak with his first officer. He did not respond for a long time. Finally he spoke.

"I'm beaming over in two hours."

Then he closed the channel.

Uhura turned the monitor off from her console. She noticed a smug smile begin to form on her captain's face.

"Aren't you worried, Captain?" She asked.

"No." Kirk said. Uhura could almost detect an evil glint in his eyes.

"I have a plan."


	3. Chapter 3

Spock backed slowly away from the door, knowing what awaited him on the other side. As instructed, he waited until he reached the back wall of the corridor. Then he charged.

The Sickbay door opened just as Spock's small frame sped through them and was doused in water.

"The ingenuity of the device is admirable," Spock said, eyeing the precariously hanging bucket that had emptied its contents just moments before. "However, your intentions are not."

Kirk merely laughed and handed Spock a towel. Then he heard footsteps.

"Shh! Shh! It's Dr. McCoy!" The captain leapt onto a biobed in a forced casual pose while Spock stood, puzzled. The doctor entered Sickbay, holding several data PADDs. Then he noticed the bucket, and below it Spock, dripping head to toe with water. He dropped the PADDs and collapsed in a fit of giggles.

"So," McCoy gasped, "how'd you get him to help?"

It was Spock who answered. "The captain seems unwilling to give up his idea, so the most logical course of action was to perfect it so it would at least be somewhat effective."

"You know, Bones," Kirk said, his eyes full of mischief, "I could use another test subject-"

"Oh no! No way, no how!" Bones shouted. "If you want to prank the Klingons do it on your own!" The doctor went to his desk and began sorting through the , Kirk nudged Spock and motioned towards a small stepladder. Spock was hesitant, but understood. The small Vulcan silently dragged the ladder to the doorway and reset the device.

Dr. McCoy started towards the door, all the while muttering. "Pranking the Klingons… water on doorways… stubborn, thick headed- " McCoy noticed the device but it was too late. The door whooshed open in front of him and he was soaked.

"Why, you pointy-eared HOBGOBLIN!"

Captain Kirk was too busy to interfere with this argument. He was doubled over on the bed, laughing his head off.

With only an hour left before the Klingons arrived, everyone was pitching in to get ready. Captain Kirk and Dr. McCoy had stationed the water devices above each doorway within a certain radius of the beam-in point, and Spock had connected them electronically to a single switch which could turn them all on or off at once. Now Uhura and Mr. Scott had approached the captain with an idea of their own.

"So, how does this work again?" Captain Kirk asked the lieutenants.

"They're universal translators!" Uhura said, holding up several tiny chips. "I have them set to various languages. If you put them in the Klingons' ears, they'll only hear that language."

"Thats where I come in," piped up the small Scottish accent of the chief Engineer. "I'll make it so when the party beams in, these wee things'll beam straight into their heads!"

"Do it." Kirk replied, grinning. The ingenuity of his crew never failed to surprise him. He entered the turbolift and headed towards Sickbay, where Dr. McCoy would be working on a solution to their little problem. If they were going to continue with their five year mission, they needed to be adults, and certainly none of them wanted to be stuck in a child's body the rest of their life.

The turbolift came to a stop and the Captain entered Sickbay.

"Bones," he said, "how's it coming with that cure?"

"Oh it's coming along," replied the Doctor. "Though the blasted thing might be done if I knew how this happened in the first place!" he added. Kirk laughed. Even in a child's body, it was the same old Bones he knew.

"Well, thanks, Bones." Kirk turned to leave.

"Oh wait, Jim!" McCoy cried, "I have a great hypo that I can give to the Klingons, it makes your ears turn green and your voice turn all-"

The doctor was interrupted by Uhura's voice coming over the shipwide comm system.

"Attention all crewmember, the Klingons are coming aboard. I repeat, the Klingons are coming aboard. Please avoid contact with the Klingons, and also doorways, replicators, areas of engineering..." Uhura went on to list all the traps and pranks that had been set up, some of which the captain had forgotten about altogether.

Kirk and McCoy hurried to the bridge, where the rest of the crew was waiting for them.

"Okay, does everyone remember what to do?"

There was a murmur of agreement.

"Alright then," Kirk said. "Move out!"


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Koloth beamed in with his disruptor already out, ready for guards to be already there at the beam in point. Surprisingly, there was no one there.

"Don't put down your weapons," Koloth said to his party of six. After looking around once more to make sure there was no one there, he left the transporter room.

Splash!

Suddenly Koloth, along with a few of his men, were dripping with water. Several disruptors fired aimlessly, and hit no one. Koloth grumbled confused. "Whatever those humans have planned…-" That was as far as he got, as the party passed through another doorway and more water fell on them.

Meanwhile, on the Bridge…

"Two of ze dewices have just activated, Keptin." Chekov said from his post at Navigations. "Based on their positions, it would appear the Klingons are headed towards Sickbay and ze labs."

"Good, good." said Kirk, an evil glint in his eyes. He had been helping Dr. McCoy sort through some hypos which had a number of undesirable results.

"The ones with pink dye, too!" the navigator added excitedly.

"Gentlemen, I believe its time for our part of the plan." The captain said. Kirk, Spock and McCoy got up and entered the turbolift.

"Deck 5."

"I heard something, sir." One of Koloth's men piped up from the back.

"What was it?" Koloth asked, almost nervous.

"Whoosh, sir."

"Whoosh?" The Klingon commander relaxed a little. "It was just the door."

"Yeah, but no one opened the door, sir."

Now Koloth tensed up again. Maybe there was someone else here after all.

"Doctor," Koloth said to the woman behind him. "You know the plan."

See, the Klingons had something that the humans would not expect. They had a scientist, and she was good, too. Humans thought that Klingons relied only on force and strength, and wouldn't be prepared for any clever plans.

Soon, Koloth heard footsteps. There were definitely other people here. He could almost smell them.

"Alright, Spock and I will go up here with the phasers and the rotten tomatoes, Dr. McCoy, you go back through here and get 'em with the hypos."

"Got it, Jim."

"Understood, Captain."

Captain Kirk was pointing at a map of the deck, trying to illustrate where everyone was supposed to be. When he was sure it was clear what was going to happen, he gave the order to execute. The doctor branched off while Kirk and Spock continued in the direction they had been going. Each had a phaser and Kirk had an armful of rotten tomatoes.. Soon they approached the point where they speculated the Klingons would be.

"Spock, cover me." Kirk said, preparing to step around a corner.

"Capta- mmfghh!" was his only response.

Captain Kirk turned around. There was no one there.


End file.
